


Close Your Eyes And Please Don't Let Me Go...

by westallenkiss



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x17 spoilers, Hurt Magnus Bane, Insecure Magnus Bane, It's going to be okay, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Malec, Protective Alec Lightwood, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Malec, Soft Malec, episode: s03e17 Shadowhunters, just my thoughts, post 3x17, tags are always important so i hope you're reading them, take my hand - simple plan, take my hand song fic, trying to help alec lightwood, trying to make it all okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 12:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18410579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westallenkiss/pseuds/westallenkiss
Summary: The raindrops, the tears keep falling,  I see your face and it keeps me going. If I get lost your light's going to guide me and I know that you can take me home, you can take me home...Just don't let go. That's all Alec asks.





	Close Your Eyes And Please Don't Let Me Go...

**Author's Note:**

> this is post 3x17, a small filler of my own thoughts -- just writing to help myself ease the pain, you don't have to read it, or love it, you could hate it but please don't tell me that you do just know that i am so sad and just trying to have happy malec <3

_Sometimes I feel like everybody's got a problem  
Sometimes I feel like nobody wants to solve them  
I know that people say we're never going to make it  
But I know we're going to get through this  
(Close your eyes and please don't let me go)  
Don't, Don't, Don't, Don't let me go now  
(Close your eyes don't let me let you go)  
Don't, Don't, Don't..._

Alec carried Magnus all the way back down to his bedroom, the crying hadn't stopped, but he wasn't putting up any more of fight. He kept apologizing, he kept telling him to go. Alec didn't listen, he wasn't going to allow Magnus to keep feeling like this and he knew he had to make a deal with his father, it was the only way. He knew Magnus wasn't going to fully happy until he had his magic back, but he did want to be a source of his happiness and he knew just being there for him could and would allow him to eventually calm down. 

The begging for Alec to leave him was slowly fading and the crying was just small sobs, as he laid there on Alec's side of the bed gripping his pillow, not even having the courage to look up to see where Alec had went, did he actually leave him to be alone and cry? "Alexander?" Magnus choked on a sob, one eye opening, "I need some of that stuff you guys use to cure headaches, please..." Magnus whimpered barely able to speak up. 

Alec appeared out of nowhere when he had requested it, giving him a warm smile, "I knew you'd need it so I was getting it for you... it's called Tylenol..." Alec told him although it really wasn't the time to do such a thing but he was suddenly nervous on how to react to this whole thing -- a completely different kind of nervous on how he was feeling about proposing to him -- now it just felt like it probably wasn't the right thing to do when he couldn't have all Magnus' happiness.

"I love you, Alexander, I didn't thank you enough for the dinner did I?" Magnus' voice was coming back just a little as he sat up to drink and take the two pills. He swallowed and breathed in leaning his head against the headboard. "I ruined your beautiful dinner for us, and I just...I...I'm sorry...you went all out for me..."

"Shhh, it's okay...I promise. I just wanted to make you happy. I just wanted to see you smile. And you did for those two seconds... you called me gorgeous." Alec blushed looking down before looking up and scooting Magnus to move over to get on his side of the bed.

"You are gorgoues, Alexander... the whole rooftop was gorgeous and I ruined that. I am happy. I just not as happy as I can b--..."

Alec put up his hand and shook his head, he didn't want to hear it again. "I know. I get it now." He cut him off as he swallowed, trying to be understanding because it did hurt too and he didn't know how to tell them that. He pressed a kiss to his temple before he was draping his arm around his waist and crawling up to his chest. Magnus leaned himself into his boyfriend, holding him close and feeling so very peaceful. "You said to me though, 'just like you always wanted' -- Magnus, I don't want this for you, for us -- what I want is for you to be happy...and spend the rest of my life with you..."

"I never meant to hurt you like that... I shouldn't have said that." Magnus frowned, and his head throbbed and whimpered trying to get rid of the pain from being so wasted now and he actually felt like he could puke. "Alexander, I think I'm going to be sick..." Magnus shot up from the bad and padded to the bathroom to throw up all of what he had to drink. The sound making Alec cringe and want to scream out in his own kind of pain but he ran directly after him to sit down next to him and tell him it was okay even if it wasn't. "How do you mundanes do this? Why drink all the alcohol when you're just going to throw all up...what a waste..." Magnus was semi-trying to crack a joke which did get a smile out of Alec.

"Why do you think I didn't drink much, and the one time I did was when we got into that small fight about well... you being immortal and I was kind of really yeah..." Alec didn't want to speak of it. 

Magnus made a face, a disgusted one, and tried to hold himself from throwing up again but it was too late, "Leave me alone, you don't need to see me like this." He whimpered into the toilet bowl.

"I won't leave you until your done." Alec promised. "I won't leave you ever, I will love you until the day I die. I'm sick of you thinking that I am just going to leave you during any time you feel like this or you feel like you can't be you without your magic, like I'm not going to love you because you don't have your magic...I don't care about any of that...I only care about you." Alec's voice got really loud, as he was on the edge of breaking down himself.

Magnus took in a deep breath and moved from the toilet to stand himself up, he wobbled a bit but managed to get himself to the sink and look at himself in the mirror. He left Alec on the floor not offering to help him or anything as he just stared in the mirror. "You know I found a gray hair tonight while I was getting ready? That is the reason I picked up a drink...I...just...I don't want you to see me like this..." 

Alec got and looked right to him in the mirror and leaned forward to kiss his cheek like always, "I swear to god, Magnus... your magic doesn't make who you are and although you think that it does, it doesn't change how beautiful you are. Or how much I am in love with you..." Alec hated absolutely hated that he had to keep reminding him. 

"I meant it when I said, ' _I have everything I need right here_ '... I did, Alexander. I do need my magic but I also need you. I don't know where I would be in this moment if I didn't have you...but I'm not sorry for acting the way I am because I don't have my magic...please just give me time..." Magnus' had tears threatening his eyes again and Alec was quick to turn him into his arms to hug him again, let him go ahead and cry as they both did for as long it was needed. Magnus slowly pulled away to gaze into his boyfriend's eyes. "Thank you for not pushing me away, thank you for what was supposed to be the wonderful dinner for us..." Magnus murmured a bit as he took a step back so he could brush his teeth. "Go ahead back to the bed, I just want to crawl up with you and make the rest of this night worthwhile for you."

"Magnus, I don't need anything else but for you to know that I am going to love you forever..."

Magnus smiled a smile he had only reserved for his Alexander and turned back to the mirror, he could truly see that not everything in his life was lost, he didn't have to think about tomorrow if he just took Alec's hand...

_Take my hand tonight  
Let's not think about tomorrow  
Take my hand tonight  
We could find some place to go  
Cause our hearts are locked forever  
And our love will never die  
Take my hand tonight  
One last time...._


End file.
